Extra-Terrestrial Encounters: What She’s Really Thinking When You See Her Again

Extra-terrestrial encounters have been made famous by screen legends such as Will Smith and Mel Gibson, but the glamour of Hollywood fools us in to thinking that these invaders are friendly folk with giant heads and tiny bodies; aka Cher Lloyd after the makeover. However, no amount of CGI and flattering lighting can prepare us for an ex-tra-terrestrial experience of our own;

ET won’t be there with his bike to whizz you home should you see your former sexy time partner in the local bar.

So how does she really feel when she claps eyes on you after that breakup? Does she get that rush of butterflies, or memories of the rash you gave her? Does she really want to be with you again or is she after revenge? Stress no more fellas, as I’m about to shed some well needed light on a game more distressing than Monopoly with only Old Kent Road and a handful of 20’s left.

It’s a well-known fact that women like to doll themselves up for a night on the town; 30% is for themselves and 70% is for you blokes. But when a potential ET encounter is looming the percentages change dramatically, and in my honest opinion I would admit to putting 100% in to a look where I knew my ex was going to be.

Did I want him back? No. Did I feel pretty darn good about myself? Yes. Did I want him see both of these facts without having to hold up a placard like some boxing ring tottie? Hell Yeah. When I saw my alien I still felt something; I am human after all, but it was my way of sticking 2 fingers up at him in the classiest way possible.

Obviously it depends on how and why the relationship ended, for me it was like a Frankie Cocozza performance; messy and annoying. But for those who broke up on better terms, perhaps down to good old timing, then of course she might have Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ playing in her head too.

What you have to remember guys, is that us girls are very good at disguising how we really feel and pretending everything is fine when we are bitter and angry inside, that’s probably why you like us in the first place. You just have to work with the false conversation which exes always have, decode the bullshit and hopefully walk away with your balls still intact ready for the next one.

One word of advice with any ex would be to know your boundaries, aka don’t try and initiate a one nighter with someone who you once made feel like the only girl in the world, or she’ll make sure you never find love, even in a hopeless place. I was on the receiving end of this scum bag treatment recently, and finally had the balls to tell him what an utter bell end he really was.  Just because she is looking smoking hot and you haven’t seen her since the 12^th of Never 2000 and late, doesn’t mean the Monopoly man has handed you a get out of jail free card when it comes to hurting her feelings, and please don’t make the mistake of your once swoon-worthy banter still hitting the spot because she’s had a few Sambucas.

So, the million pound question, what is she actually thinking when she sees you. In all honesty, her hearts racing, she feels awkward, wonders how you feel when you look at her, thinks how shit or awesome you are looking lately, wants to know about your life but refuses to ask, wonders how many people you have been with since the split, and once all that is out the way she remembers the good things about you but is always faced with the bad as you are stood right there in front of her.

Ouch.

Ex-tra-terrestrial encounters are always going to resemble navigating your way around a room full of mousetraps with a blindfold on, but now you know how to deal with this foreign object you can focus on finding someone else to probe…