The Bachelorette: Why Cocky Men Fail

The clue is in the title; just drop the ‘Y’ and ‘cock’ is left slapping you in the face, and no one likes a cock all up in their grill, unless Ashton Kutcher and some blondies are involved.

The old myth goes that women love a bad boy, someone who broods around like Colin Farrell, smokes 20 a day but never gets yellow teeth, grabs his crotch a la Eminem just so you know he could bang you at any second, and a man with Jason Stathams raw animal aggression, coupled with Brad Pitts sensitive, but child adopting soft manner. The reality is that, unless speed dating sessions are currently being held at the local bipolar association club, then women are bang out of luck in finding such studs.

Yes, I like brooding men, but the images I see in magazines and on television do not portray men accurately. I pray for the day when Robert Pattinson romps with Megan Fox in a lusty scene, just after beating up her entire family whilst smoking 3 cigarettes, only to fall asleep and let out a breezy fart as he drifts off into a post ejaculate coma.

There is a clear difference between being a bad boy, and being cocky. Bad boys can brood and remain mysterious, which many women find intriguing, and is why Johnny Depp is always top of the DILF list. But cocky men command attention, they are the type of guys who think they ooze confidence and charisma, when all women can sense is arrogance and someone who probably wants to inspect their under carriage then scarper when further maintenance work needs doing.

Don’t get me wrong, confidence is sexy in both men and women, but arrogantly assuming you can have any girl and putting her down with banter in front of your mates is never going to leave David Beckham quaking in his diamond encrusted football boots.

I’ve been approached before by cocky men in bars, they swagger on up and typically jab you with a cryptic one liner, then go in for the knockout by saying ‘you’ve met your match darling.’ Yes, if my match happens to like wearing double denim disasters and openly admits to wearing manscara upon an evening out with tha laaaads.

In my opinion guys feel the need to take a stand and be confident in front of a woman, and this often means being loud, proud, cocky and rude. But turn this on its head and ask yourselves whether you prefer a girl who is up her own arse and so confident she makes the cast of Geordie Shore look shy, or perhaps the girl who holds back a bit, yet is seen having a laugh with her mates.

A prime example of a cocky man would be The Only Way Is Essex’s Mark Wright, often dubbed as a young lothario, and constantly seen bedding girls with skin darker than my Nans dresser draws. He is a cock, yes he is fit but also shit and I would press my Britain’s Got Talent buzzer on that fool in the blink of an eye, as no amount of sultry looks could disguise from the cheap smell of arrogance he carries around like I do my Paul Smith handbag.

So guys, put down the ‘Charlie Sheen book of bonking’, turn down the dial on Arrogance FM and swap your Kayne CD for Bruno Mars, as he was right about one thing; she’ll like you just the way you are.